miracles in my life.....

i just attended the Feast at SM Marilao today.. and it was really a blessed day for me even though i experienced pain at my back, legs and feet as i stand for 3 hours while at the Feast (i came late and there are already lots of attendees inside and no more seats available for me)..

as i was listening to people who shared the miracles in their life, i realized that without me knowing, God made so many miracles in my life.. maybe people might not realized as well that in their everyday living, miracles do happen.. 

miracles are not really what we know, like cancer patients and a possessed person healed through faith in God, a person possessed by Sto. Niño or Mama Mary healing people, and the likes... but miracles are mere blessings that we are receiving in our everyday living.. miracles are also the answers in our prayers...

thank You Lord for all the miracles in my life.. 

• for the intelligence you gave me that i finished my studies well, though those were the times that our family is having a hard time and trials;
• for my two failed deep relationship that made me strong and decide to start a new life out of my country; for passing all the trials while i'm away from my family; for settling all my financial troubles; for knowing myself deeply and who are the most important in my life; and the greatest of all, for knowing and letting You God to work in my life again;
• for my good friends who still stays by my side; and for those friends i've lost that made me realized who really my friends are;
• for my family whom i knew that no matter what happened, they will always be by my side to support and comfort me especially when i felt so down;
• for the jobs that i've worked for, here and abroad; for the great experiences of working with other nationalities which made me more confident; and for my current job that You still gave me though i left and comeback and left again then come back again;
• for sending people around me in times of my trials, depressions, loneliness, etc. to cheer me up and lift up my spirit again and bring back my faith in You;
• for the strength i have that i passed all my trials through the years and do believe that will still carry on with the upcoming trials;
• for my everyday living, for waking up with bright sunshine, for the rain to make the weather cool, for the air we breathe in, for the food we ate, for the life we have; for everything here on earth;
• and most of all,  for Your GREAT LOVE!!!!

thought of giving up..... i'm sorry Lord...

just felt so tired right now, stressed, depressed, so alone and sad.. i really thought may God take me out of here so I will be free from all..


im just human.. im also weak.. i also need someone to understand me.. to be with me.. to listen to me.. to comfort me.. 


people might see im so much fine, laughing, smiling.. looks so strong, so independent, someone ready to listen and help.. fighter.. bubbly, anything..


but is there anyone who really knows me?? someone who deeply know that im really weak?? that i need someone to lean on?? someone to listen to me as much as i listen and comfort others?? i dont know anyone.. coz what i know, they thought im not that type of person.. coz im always pretending that im strong..


but im not.. im still human.. im weak.. and im really getting tired of taking all the burdens by myself.. tired of pretending everything is fine with me.. tired of pretending that im fine to be alone.. that i can live by myself..


i know Lord that You are always with me.. bear with me tonight by thinking all these.. hear my agonies.. carry me now Lord.. as i really wanna give up.......

my only dream....

i had one and only dream.... to have my own happy and loving family with the one and only man i will love.. had this dream in my heart when i am at  my young age.. 

i met my first love who became my husband.. i did everything for him.. i gave my everything to him.. i gave up everything for him.. that's what i know.. i swallowed my pride just to prove to everybody that i have chosen the man that i will love for the rest of my life.. the man who will be beside me till i grow old.. 

i was the happiest person when i fell in love with him.. i didn't see anything or anyone but him.. he's the only reason why im living.. 

but unlike fairy tales that always have a happy ending, my relationship with him failed after 10 years of trying to keep the relationship.. the pain made me do things which i am not really doing, going out with friends, to the bar, drinking till dawn.. i became a person who is not really me.. my life seems no directions at all.. i thought that i just wasted my life.. then i met another guy.. he loved me as much as my first man loved me.. i got back again on my senses.. i saw a new direction in life with him.. but as time goes by.. i realized that i might deprive his happiness if i kept him.. i let him go.. i called it quits.. coz i know to myself that i cannot give him what he is dreaming of.. i did it for him but  my heart is really breaking.. more painful than the first pain.. but i have to let go.. and to be able to forget the pain and to move on, i decided to leave the country.. at first it was really hard.. cant help to miss him so much.. but when i learned that he's getting his dream, i was so happy for him though deep inside, pain is eating my heart and mind.. then i got my annulment with my husband (after a year working outside the country).. im now free.. 

sometimes i felt so lonely when thoughts came to my mind that they are both happy now with their own life, while i am still alone and lonely.. just like what im feeling right now while writing this.. here i am, alone in my room.. thinking of my past.. missing the feeling of being in love.. missing the guys who taught me to love.. who gave me a happy magical feeling that i cannot get from my family and friends.. a feeling that till now im longing despite trying my best not to.. but life is like that.. i have to accept the fact that they are both happy now.. so i should be happy too now on my own way.. 

i thought i am.. but why i am still feeling this way??????

my first daily thoughts blog...

it's my first blog, will just try to do it just like what others are doing.. i planned to try it long time ago, but only today got a chance.. i chose to make blogs about my daily thoughts, feelings, activities, etc.. hoping that people who can read this can relate to me, can give me their opinions or advices, or maybe some might think that im crazy and might tell me to go to hell.. hahaha.. just kiddin'..

it's almost three months now that im back here at PI.. i tried my luck for almost two years in other country, but due to my father's request, i decided to come back to where i am now.. my two years stay in other country taught me a lot.. it changed me a lot as well, spiritually, emotionally & financially (a little.. lol!!) .. i learned a lot of things, iv met a lot of good people that will forever be in my heart.. i met a guy who took and still taking care of me who until now is communicating with me that somehow made me happy and sad as he is far away from me.. 

but of course, if there's happy moments, there are also sad moments.. i lost one of my dear friend due to misconception and haven't got a chance to talk and settle it.. till i came back here.. but realized that life is like that, people come, people go.. ul lose some friends, ul gain better friends..

what ever happened to me for the last two years will stay in my heart.. i am grateful that God gave me that two years experiences.. that He taught me to be strong, to stand still.. to be happy and to realized who really are with u in times of trouble.. our God and my family..... :-)